My cell phone rang as I handed my ticket information to the airline agent at LAX.
What is my sister calling for at this hour? I wondered.
“Hi Kathy, what’s happening?”
“Hi Dave. I have sad news. Uncle Joe just died.”
“What?”
“Yes, the doctor says he had a heart attack.”
“May I see your driver’s license please?” The ticket agent snapped me back to my airport reality.
“Hold on a second Sis.”
I presented my drivers license to the agent and apologized, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude by talking on my cell, but my sister just told me that my Uncle Joe died.”
“Oh, that’s fine.” She pasted a smile on her face and printed my boarding pass.
“Hey Kathy, let me call you when I get through security.”
“Have a nice flight.” The robotic ticket agent handed me the boarding pass. As I wandered off in a fog of sadness, her final words echoed in my mind, “Next.”
I’m sure that the ticket agent didn’t mean any harm. She was just doing her job. But the question is, how was she doing her job? Perhaps an even better question is, how am I doing my job? How often do I go through a conversation with a customer, coworker, or loved one on autopilot? My answer: more often than I care to admit. What’s your answer?
To me, this is a story about leading habits. The ticket agent had been trained by her leaders to smile and be pleasant. She had this behavior drilled into her so that it became a habit. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the habit, the habit had her.
Developing positive habits is critical to success. Habits help us and our teams get through the day. If we didn’t have habits, we would have to pay attention to every little stimulus that assaulted our senses. Habits help us to discriminate the important from the unimportant. But like an overdeveloped muscle, a totally unconscious habit can limit our flexibility. The ticket agent’s overused habit of smiling had atrophied her caring muscle.
Listed below are three quick communication tools from my leadership course (eXpansive Leadership – How to Stretch When You Feel Pulled). These may help you and your team use your habits approrpriately when interacting with customers, coworkers, and loved ones.
Three Conscious Communication Tools
A. Place your attention on your intention. Prior to any conversation, ask what your outcome or objective is. I have found that if we are clear about what we want from the conversation, we are more likely to pay attention to what’s important during the conversation. It’s also important to remember that people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care… about what they care about.
B. Make eye content. Notice I didn’t say eye contact. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who, even though they were looking at you, was not really with you? The difference between eye content and eye contact is that eye content is about seeing a person’s soul.
C. Notice the details. To keep your brain from clicking into autopilot, monitor your environment closely. For example, when you’re talking to a customer and reviewing the information for the 1000th time, pay close attention to their eye color, the smile on their lips, their hair style, voice, cloths…
The airline ticket agent did not mean to be thoughtless. Most of us don’t intend to be. That’s why I encourage you to be thoughtFULL. Choose to place your attention on your intention, eye content, and the details during your communication.
How do you to stay engaged? What techniques do you use to stay fully present with others? Let me know, I’d love to hear you?
Keep eXpanding your leadership,
Dave
P.S. Dave Jensen and his team transform proven leadership tools into your success stories. Dave is an executive coach and an engaging speaker at conferences, meetings, and retreats. He can be reached in Los Angeles, CA at (310) 397-6686. Click here for more info about the research-based, online 360-leadership assessment (XLM): http://xlmassessment.com/ )
P.S.S. You are welcome to republish these leadership articles, forward them to your contacts, or use my blog in your corporate newsletter or websites. Simply include my contact info at the bottom.
